It will be a long long time till touch down brings me back

No one I know says too much here, maybe thats for the better. I belong in a place of forgotten people. I ran away to find my piece of mind and all I've got to show is this post. I hope most of you forgot this blog existed, if so thank you continue your daily routine. The only thing I continue to know is that human existance from a distance is the dance of misery. An elegant dance filled with fates dips, times violent tempo, and beauty's ability to spawn at a footstep. I feel the people I once knew more than I hear them. I feel your shivers from miles away friends, your lonelieness screams to me, your sadness shadowsteps mine, and your desire burns me. Forgotten you aren't but distant you are. This year has burned me,like the flames of a beautiful hell might. 35 + hours a week I feed junkies, I watch them shake the change out of their black and yellow staind hands to pay me the 1.96 its going to take to get them through the first 4 hours of wandering they will do. I get phone calls from people who should be laughing with children and kissing their wives, because they need a place to hide, to hide their addictive shame. Their addiction triggers mine and we both take one more stair on the spiral down. I spit blood every day now. There is a problem with a theory we've all heard. Live fast and die young, sex, drugs and rock n roll, but there is a time when you will sit for hours tripping on the strongest drugs known to man, you ALL will stare at the ceiling, mouth open, catching flies, your eyes will dart back and forth, smiles will bend to frowns and back again as your body tingles and colorful images pass in front of your eyes. The drugs will come and so will the escape, pray for your readiness. One day for some reason we will all deteriorate and be passified into a chair and there we will wait for death. Your drug binge will start at 14 and end at death. There might be a pause in between but, it will be back. The man who cares for my father at the home is 5 years his younger. I see the fear in his eyes on each visit. To understand my father is simple, if he continues to smile and act like you aren't there he is in the "dream" where he appears happy or atleast happy to observe what he sees, if he weeps, he knows who you are and who he is and all you do is wish for the credits to roll and this mans saga to end. I can't decide which is better, correct, right, honest, real, illusion, happiness, fairness, reality, life, distortion, fantasy, god, satan, or just the wind welcoming you to the fold. These are the first words I've written since the last post. My life is simple, I am like you, like your parents, like every other arrogant soul on this ball of water and rock, I work to screw my fellow man so that I may achieve, I buy into the BS I am sold, I pay for gas beyond my means, I kill children with my superfical needs, and I destory the thing I rely on to survive because I don't want to waste my engery, I am American, I am the parasite to the planet, I am Entropy; I hope you don't get caught in the collapse. 

I wish you all well. I am well enough for a human being.

Its hard to be a human being, its harder than anything else.